Brittain, Vera, Diary, 22 August 1915

00000298-18.jpg
Description: 
Diary of Vera Brittain

Tabs

Case Study: 
From Youth to Experience: Vera Brittain’s Work for Peace in Two World Wars
Creator: 
Brittain, Vera
Source: 
diary
Date: 
22 August 1915
Collection/Fonds: 
Contributer: 
McMaster University Libraries
Rights: 
Vera Brittain estate; McMaster University has a non-exclusive licence to publish this document.

Identifier: 
00000298-18
Language: 
eng
Type: 
image
Format: 
jpg
Transcript: 

that I was worshipped - worshipped by this brilliant, strong, unsensual being, whose head was so close to mine, bent low with emotion & a kind of awe. As far as I had then lived, it was the sweetest hour of my life.
But in being there, knowing we had been together in life so little, & were so soon to part again, there was such a painful joy & a joyful pain that I could scarcely bear it, & suddenly wanting to come back to earth again for a moment I said "What's the time." He laughed at the abrupt & intentional bathos, & produced his watch. "Twenty-five to nine," he said, "We needn't go yet."
It all seems so unreal when I think of it now, that it is sometimes hard to believe that it really happened. Yet it is one of the few things the memory of which will go with me to life's end, be that soon or late. It is impossible to describe what I felt as I sat there with the darkness below me & the greyness around - knowing instinctively that actually I was really the first - the very first- & near to him with a nearness which shyness would never have let me dare by day. Often since I have tried to recapture the exact sensation of those moments. At the time I was conscious of what I felt without really thinking about it or anything else but him, but when I have failed to recall those feelings I have known that I have failed...
Again I felt his fingers playing caressingly with my hair, and then "You are a dear," he said, and gently drew my face down to his & kissed me.
Oh! I am glad his kisses come so seldom for they mean so much that I could not bear the agonizing joy of them often. They give me a thrill & a shock that nothing